you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
