What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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