Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
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Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
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New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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