I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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