I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
