I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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