We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
