hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
