i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
