Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Randomize
