so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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