Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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