you would pick up someone in the library
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
