i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
