I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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