I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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