If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
