I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
