I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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