thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
