my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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