Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize