You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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