I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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