You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
