I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
