Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
