He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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