I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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