Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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