dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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