So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
