and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
