then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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