I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
