there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
