I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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