I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
