I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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