Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
