it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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