sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
her facebook's as public as her vagina
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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