Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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