Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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