if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
