I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.