I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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