You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"