Texts From Last Night

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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I'm on that like soy sauce on rice

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  (269): I'm on that like soy sauce on rice http://tfl.nu/53vn
  Replies (3) Good night (1305) Bad night (558)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.

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  (678): so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style. http://tfl.nu/eq3b
  Replies (27) Good night (1364) Bad night (9108)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.

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  (540): Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work. http://tfl.nu/ghtv
  Replies (11) Good night (1007) Bad night (4000)
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  (909): View more from California

  Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.

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  (909): Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave. http://tfl.nu/ztn7
  Replies (22) Good night (1740) Bad night (3453)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?

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  (516): Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom? http://tfl.nu/hpn8
  Replies (31) Good night (1271) Bad night (6043)
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  (716): View more from New York

  right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable

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  (716): right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable http://tfl.nu/dvma
  Replies (14) Good night (6080) Bad night (1046)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.

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  (614): There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out. http://tfl.nu/1cqt
  Replies (6) Good night (2363) Bad night (1556)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  What did you cook with whisky?

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We started a fire.

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  (306): We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky. (1-306): What did you cook with whisky? (306): We started a fire. http://tfl.nu/4y3v
  Replies (11) Good night (6001) Bad night (1160)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.

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  (857): It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful. http://tfl.nu/xfy4
  Replies (9) Good night (2114) Bad night (1141)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.

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  (503): Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer. http://tfl.nu/ruer
  Replies (5) Good night (1344) Bad night (557)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.

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  (647): I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat. http://tfl.nu/9m2y
  Replies (3) Good night (758) Bad night (522)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'

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  (613): It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed' http://tfl.nu/zbjr
  Replies (2) Good night (1462) Bad night (383)
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  (831): View more from California

  Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur

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  (831): Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur http://tfl.nu/smm5
  Replies (2) Good night (896) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success

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  (479): Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success http://tfl.nu/iacd
  Replies (0) Good night (866) Bad night (248)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.

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  (501): His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him. http://tfl.nu/o5lz
  Replies (15) Good night (1240) Bad night (212)

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