'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.