You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.