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I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
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