the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
