can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize