Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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