Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
