It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
