Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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