Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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