its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
