I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
