if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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