somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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