Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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