I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
