wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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