Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
