Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
