Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
