he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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