She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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