when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
