she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
