Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize